Sitting, Waiting, Wishing...

2013. Yep.

 

 

I start a new semester tomorrow. I have this odd feeling of "looking-forward-to-ness" about the rest of this school year. I won't say hopefulness. That's stretching it. But I have these little feelings that maybe these last few months until summer won't be horrible. Because I just keep thinking how close I am to being done with this nightmare they label "high school."

 

I guess one thing I'm kind of looking forward to is a new attitude. I decided to make my New Year's resolution, which isn't so much a goal, just trying a new way of thinking. I don't want to sit around waiting for things to happen anymore, like I have been for the past 7 months. I want to take action. If I want something, I'm going to go after it. Not in a completely aggressive way, but maybe a confident way. For example, I put this new thought process into action at midnight New Years Eve... or day. I don't know. But there was this guy that I had a crush on, the problem was that he's older, living on his own, and I wasn't sure that he actually liked me back the same way. I felt good about my chances though, so I went for it and poured my little heart out in a long text message sent at exactly midnight. It started out as

"It's midnight, I'm feeling brave, so here's a secret for you..."

 

 

I was rejected. Again.

 

But I was proud of myself. I tried. Instead of waiting for him to never ask me on the date I wanted so badly, I went for it. Although it didn't end the way I had wanted, I still tried. I tried I tried I tried.

 

Anyway, it's a new semester, like I said. And with this proudness (pretty sure you won't find that in the dictionary) bubbling inside of me, I have a feeling I can conquer a little more than last semester. Or maybe just get rejected a little more. Either way, it's a change. I think.

 

What are you doing differently this year? If you have no idea what to do, go check out my friend's new blog she started with another friend of hers! Where's the Shuffle Button? is an adorable documentation of music. They're looking for lots of feedback, so head on over and leave a comment! Be nice, they're only two days old!

 

Closing out.

Thanks Jack Johnson for delivering great music and a title for this post.

It so perfectly fits with my life.

Happy New Year kids.

Unda Da Radar

Just like Jenna Hamilton, I figured that my blog does not get a lot of attention. This used to upset me when I first started blogging. I wanted to recognized and applauded quiet selfishly actually. Oh well, now I've embraced it. I feel a little more brave talking to the three people that actually read my blog. The fact that some of you are strangers scares me less. It's my friends that scare me. I hate judgement.

 

I had a pretty normal Monday. It's the start of exam week - whoopdi freaking doo. The messed up thing is that for some reason, the administration decided that exam week was the perfect week to schedule a writing assessment. This happy little announcement means that I'll only be visiting about half of my classes for the next two days which means that I'll get half the study time I need for those classes for exams. So awesome.

 

More ranting starts now. I know this sounds like a horrible thing to say and I'll probably end up seeming like a really conceited and mean person, but a lot of times at school I feel that I'm more mature than the majority of the kids in my classes. Even my AP English class which I expected would cater to serious, hard-working students. That's about half the class. My newspaper production class is the worst, though. I get so annoyed with the new kids in that class so easily. I figured, hey, we're all sophomores and juniors, we should be mature enough to manage our time to get our work done, be respectful to other people working and be aware of your surroundings. I guess I was wrong... So many excuses are made, so many people with such entitlement issues... It makes me want to rip my hair out. I feel like a mean person... I'm not, I swear. But I do have little patience. It's funny, I have more patience for younger kids because I expect them to not know any better. But we're all in high school. We're practically adults. It's just ridiculous. End rant.

 

I got home to an empty house. That's not unusual. I'm not complaining though, I don't mind it. I can eat junk food and take a nap without anyone breathing down my neck. And my dogs are pretty nice company until they wake up from they're nap ready to go to some business outside and I'm still half asleep from my nap. Still not complaining.

So anyway, my mom called me when I got home. She was waiting in traffic coming back from buying Christmas presents. She was in a particularly good mood. She tends to be when she's super productive without being a work. So we talked for like a half hour on the phone about my day, about hers, about my brother's Christmas presents, exams, etc. It was nice. We're pretty close but I don't see her very much because of work. It really makes me sad. But she'll be home tonight preparing fried chicken and other fixins while I'm in my room pretending to study when I'm really just posting all of this here...

#mylife

 

We Should Say Thanks More Often

Kind of late, but this was my post for Thanksgiving on the Speak Now website.

http://www.wespeaknow.org/2012/11/we-should-say-thanks-more-often.html

Enjoy...

It's Beginning to Look a Lot like Singletown: Happy Thanksgiving

(First off let me just say that Lizzie's post was not at all professional but she doesn't lie and all those hard cold facts that she wrote made me cry like baby. No joke. I love my best friend.)

Wow. Here I go again, talking about boys. I feel weird talking about this since boys haven't been taking up the majority of my free time lately (shocker), church has. I'm so blessed to have finally found a church that I truly connect with and will be a part of my entire life. My journey to Catholicism will end in the spring, but my faith won't stop there. But turning away from the future and looking at the present for a moment, this church occupies my Wednesday, Sunday, and every other Monday evenings. And I'm loving every bit of it. 

Okay. My little rant about church is over for this post. I'll elaborate another time. Now I'm going to talk about how I spend the small portion of my free time that's left over after church, school, and weekends with the crazy lady that wrote my last post and her boyfriend. Thinking about boys. My gosh, it sounds so juvenile when I say it out loud. But it's really true. I've been single for what feels like years but really has only been a few months and I'm going crazy. My wonderful lady friends all tell me the same thing: 

"You don't need no man in yo life! You're a strong, independent woman who can take care of herself!" and all that jazz. I know I don't need one. Heck, who needs 'em anyways? All they do is eat your food and, well, yeah that's basically it. But it's never been that way for me. The boys that I've dated (I only count about two) were so good to me. They didn't use me, abuse me and whatever else rhymes. They treated me like a princess. Homemade Christmas gifts and romantic ways of asking me to Winter Formal first semester, and when he didn't work out (Lord, I might be crazy for letting that one go) an even better fellow came along and bought me dinners, held me close when I cried and made me laugh until I could feel the abs form under my belly. Now that he's gone too, I'm left with little 'ole me back at square one eating homemade snow cones by myself. How I miss that summer. 

But "square one" is actually quite accurate. This time last year, I had a date to Winter Formal. I had my dress and the shoes, he had his adorable matching tie. We danced like dorks and kissed like we were the only ones on the dance floor when "Don't Stop Believing" blasted in our ears. Now, I'm left with obvious choices, hoping desperately that I won't have to spend the night of Winter Formal alone in my room complaining to all of you. Because frankly, my friends are even getting sick of me talking about how single I am. I don't want to say I'm desperate, even though I just might be, because being desperate means being vulnerable. I don't ever want to be that. I want to be the strong, independent woman my girl friends think I am. But really, all I want is attention. All I want is to fall in love again with someone even better than the last. Someone to last forever. Or I just want a date to Winter Formal. Baby steps. 

Complaining put aside, it's the time of year to be thinking about the things in my life that I do have, not the things I'm missing. So here's a list:

Things Emma is Thankful For:

- Her family. Duh. 

- Her friends. I finally know who my true ones are. 

- My church. You know the deal. 

- My home. With disasters around the world, corruption, hate, etc. I'm so glad to be safe, sound and happy. Because deep down, I know I'm happy.

- The ability to do what I love. Starting new projects (Thanks for the watercolor paper, Daddy!), being able to blog to all of you; these things aren't possible for some, and I can't tell you how thankful I am for the relief they bring. 

It's a short list. If I listed every little thing I'm thankful of, you guys would hate me for such a long post (rain, sunrises, clean paint pallets, long weekends, etc). 

IN CONCLUSION: I hope you all have a fabulous Thanksgiving. Spend time with your family, give your best friend a hug and eat some pumpkin pie. Done. 

Lizzie: I didn't spell check so don't come at me with any corrections and such. Loveyakbye

For Emma Timms, the love of my life

Yo, yo, yo allll yoouuuu sucka MC's ain't got nothin' on me. From my grades to my lines, you can't touch Lizzie G. I'm an athlete, so nerd's not inferred. fo-forget what you heard, I'm Lizzie Griffith. 

Yeah, so Emma wouldn't post anything, so I made her let me do it. 

So ... yeah. 

It's Halloween. And we're sitting together, collectively having not a single life between the two of us. 

Waddup, we're cute and we know it. 

Our awkward little trio

5 hours later ...... 

I didn't mean to wait, but it happened. Deal with it. 


So we had the greatest night ... We went trick-or-treating and stuff. Yeah, it was great. She was our mom. You know, since that's totally normal and everything.

I have no idea what to write. I told her I was going to post something on her blog, but I have no idea what to write. Screw life.  

When looking through our friendship on facebook for inspiration or something to write about, I found this ....


My dearest Emma,
It has recently come to my attention that I have a deep, burning passion inside of me that yearns for you. I realized that my creepy, yet loving, obsession with you is irrevocable. Your beautiful hair and your beautiful eyes just melt my soul. Your humor hurts my insides, but not in the way that hot ramen noodles do; it is a good hurt, one that I enjoy. I long for you and your friendship. I want you, Emma Timms. I want you day in and day out. I know that we will never be able to take advantage of our love for each other, but I still want you to know. I love you. I want you. I need you. 
Love always,
Lizzie Griffith♥

^^ k.immakreep ^^ 


So she doesn't know that I'm going to do this, but it's happening it anyway. 

10 Reasons Why I love Emma Malin Timms, by Lizzie Griffith

1. She's hilarious. I don't think I've ever had a single conversation with Emma that did not leave me dying of laughter. Even when I'm pissed off and ready to set someone on fire, she can always make me laugh and get my mind off of it. 
2. She's beautiful. Inside and out. But really. She doesn't even realize how beautiful she truly is. 
3. She's amazing. It doesn't matter what's going on in my life or what type of crap is going down, she's always there for me to make me feel better. 
4. She's one of my best friends. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory ... 
5. She's my girlfriend. We're lesbians. That's pretty much it. 
6. She's a sweetheart. I don't even know how she does it. She always puts everyone else first and never complains about it. 
7. She's fun. I've never been bored for a single second that I've spent with Emma. I don't think it's even possible. Really. It's not. 
8. She's creative. She's an amazing artist, if you didn't already know. I love creativity. Probably because I have none. 
9. She has the best stories. I'm not even sure how it's possible, but her stories are always interesting and funny. 
10. Because she's just Emma Malin Timms. If you don't know why this is awesome ... well, you should probably just find out. 

Just for the record, while I was texting someone about this, I accidentally texted Emma about it instead of the person I meant to. Awk. My life, right there for all to see. 

I love Emma too much for words. I'm pretty sure people would think we were lesbian for each other if they didn't know better. (We're not, by the way.)

By the way, I'm Lizzie Griffith, the Lizziesapien, apparently the most annoying motivator in the world, according to Emma. Whatever you choose to call me, I can deal. 

I think I've pretty much ran out of creative juice for one night. Okay, that is all. I will hack her blog at some other point to profess my love for her again. Just wait, it's coming. 

So Emma, this is for you, my dear. I love you more than you understand.

Happy Hallowiener. And no-shave November begins tomorrow. Just a friendly reminder.

A Lack of Everything

As I'm sure most of you who read regularly have noticed my absence.... again. I have recently been diagnosed with an extremely severe case of Laziness and Procrastinate Personality Disorder. These are self-diagnoses of course, but nonetheless, quite accurate. I've found myself suffocated by a lack of almost everything. Here's a list for you.

1. Lack of Motivation.
I feel like (excuse my French!) a fucking broken record. I know I don't curse much on here, to avoid offending any readers, but this "lack of" bugs me the most, and I feel like I complain about it all the time. I've been suffering from every kind of mental block you can think of, from my art to my social life, and it's driving me bonkers. Today, after doing a half-assed cleaning job on the inside of my car (pardon me, again) and then getting a mani-pedi, I spent the entire rest of the day watching every episode of The Office on Netflix from season 1. I only got to the end of season 2. Talk about productive. Somebody, please help me?

2. Lack of Inspiration.
Just about as bad as the first, also kind of goes under the same category as the first, but I'll separate it merely for the sake of making my list a little longer. My "art life" pretty much no longer exist, which is pretty sad. Sad meaning pathetic, because I'm totally capable of creating art like I used to. But, because of combined lack of motivation (hello no. 1) and inspiration, my sketchbook is collecting dust. Not helpful when I'm currently applying for a scholarship to take college art classes for five weeks at MTSU and they kind of need to see a sketchbook during the portfolio review portion of the interview, and I have nothing current to show. Did I say pathetic? So, I bought a new sketchbook last weekend and as I was trying to throw down some kick sketches, I realized how much ability and skill-work I lost in my months of laziness. It's totally biting me in the butt. Now I have to practice, practice, practice.

3. Lack of boyfriend.
Holy smokes, I'm talking about my love life. I really try not to do this on the internet too much, especially when I could be writing to strangers (but I think I know most of my readers). This is just a touchy subject. Those who do know me know that my boyfriend and I broke up during the summer, not because we wanted to, but because he has a military father like me and had to leave. Recently, we've lost contact. For good? I don't know. But it's for the time being. At first, it made me sad. But after thinking about it, I've realized that it's a good opportunity to start dating again without feeling guilty. I'm the kind of girl who loves having a boyfriend, unlike some girls who just complain about how much drama they come with. No, the guys that I've dated, which haven't been very many so far, relieve drama for me. It's comforting. I'm not saying I'm the girl who HAS to have a boyfriend, I just enjoy having one. So if you know anyone who's single... Just kidding. But seriously. But just kidding.

4. Lack of computer.
This has happened before, and I'm using it as an excuse for my inability to post on my blog regularly... My personal laptop is down again, and I don't know why. The internet just refuses to open. Cool, huh? Anyway, so I have limited access to all of my documents and photos and stuff, so it's kind of hard to post from other computers in my house. #firstworldprobs 

So anyway, I know this is a long post, but I thought I owed you guys some explanation. As for my art thing, I'm actually trying to find some motivation to start a new project. I love landscapes and I took some great photos of my aunt's backyard while I was out of town. Not that anyone knew that I was out of town because I'm too freaking lazy to log on here and tell you guys. Oh well, sue me.

My aunt's backyard and possible painting project.

I am actually going to try to work out an actual schedule for my posts. I'm thinking either twice a week or once a week. My life isn't very interesting so I don't want to bore anyone with unnecessary posts about what I ate for breakfast.

Also, please keep visiting Speak Now's website at wespeaknow.org. My next post won't be until November, but other posts are rolling in frequently, so there's a lot to check out!

Last but not least, I would reeeeaaaallllyyyy like some feedback. I don't get any responses from my readers, if I have any. If you don't have a BlogSpot or Google account, and you can't post comments directly on my blog, e-mail me at starvingartblog@yahoo.com or comment on my Facebook page! I would really like to hear from someone, anyone who has suggestions, post ideas and topics, or if you just have any questions. Or you just want to say hey. That'd be nice too.

I'm off all week because my school is weird and has a week off for Fall Break. So, I'll be sleeping in suckers! 

Happy Tuesday!

(shout out to Lizziesapien for being the best motivator evarrr)

Attempting to Empower

Hi everyone who is still following me even though I've been completely inactive for a while... I'd like to take a moment and thank the ones who have still been reading my blog, even if there hasn't been anything new to read. Your patience and support and appreciated!

I feel myself becoming a broken record, constantly telling everyone about my stressers. There's too many of them in my life now and I'm constantly worrying about the smallest obstacles. Homework, chores, my job, my social life, my love life (or should I say "non-existent" love life); it's all starting to weigh heavily on my shoulders. I'm lucky to have great friends that take some of the weight off for me, and who do their best to cheer me up. Without them, my weekends wouldn't be as enjoyable.

I'm so blessed. I have the most amazing honor of posting original writing on the Speak Now website. My first post aired last week on Friday, and I couldn't be more excited. Before, it hadn't really settled in, but it's now starting to; I'm a part of such an amazing team. I feel like I have some purpose with my writing now. I'm no longer talking to myself. I'm reaching out to people. And that makes me so extremely happy.

Please visit wespeaknow.org and visit the Empower page to read my post about holding your own in the presence of peer pressure. I really tried my hardest to stay honest. I wanted to sound like myself, so people will start to recognize my writing, and I also wanted readers to know that I'm not being fake when I write these posts for Speak Now. I'm writing from personal experiences and most importantly, from the heart. I want readers to know that I'm not perfect, but my imperfections, mistakes and regrets give me strength and a story to tell. I hope readers get inspired and also learn from my posts. Those are my goals.

Thanks for reading. Happy Tuesday!